


Nowhere Man

by UndodgedBullet



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Elder Poptarts has his Big Gay Crisis, Elder Poptarts is lithromantic/lithsexual, M/M, Naba and Poptarts are basically best friends aww, poor Elder Poptarts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:39:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6180475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndodgedBullet/pseuds/UndodgedBullet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elder Poptarts realizes that he has feelings for Elder McKinley. Elder McKinley is too busy either turning it off or trying to figure out his own feelings for Elder Price to even notice Elder Poptarts' affections.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nowhere Man

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from the song of the same name by The Beatles.

_ He’s a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody. Doesn’t have a point of view, knows not where he’s going to, isn’t he a bit like you and me? Nowhere man, please listen, you don’t know what you’re missing. Nowhere man, the world is at your command. _ — The Beatles

 

* * *

 

 

It’s past midnight when it happens. Elder Poptarts is peacefully fast asleep, and then suddenly he’s not. Suddenly, everything is burning so hot that it’s cold and it’s as if the world is bleeding. Elder Poptarts is somehow once again waiting in line at the Apple Store, the feeling in his stomach definitely not the excited flutter he’d had the first time he was here. The sky is red,  _ everything  _ is red, as if the whole world is on fire. Elder Poptarts doesn’t even make it into the Apple Store before everything changes. 

Elder Poptarts is now surrounded by white. It takes a few moments for him to realize where he is — a hospital. He turns his body and ends up facing the bed in the center of the room. His sister is laying on it, her eyes closed. 

“No,” Elder Poptarts mutters quietly, his eyes filling up with tears. He drops to his knees in front of his sister, a shaky hand reaching out to touch her motionless one. His voice increases drastically in volume. “ _ No! _ ”

Elder Poptarts shuts his eyes tightly and lets out the loudest shriek he possibly can. He keeps shrieking and only stops when he feels someone shaking his shoulders. Elder Poptarts opens his eyes to find that he is no longer in the hospital, he’s in his bedroom and Elder McKinley is next to him. 

“Hey,” Elder McKinley says softly, a comforting smile on his face. Elder McKinley pulls Elder Poptarts into a hug. He can feel Elder Poptarts trembling in his arms. “Are you okay?”

It takes Elder Poptarts a moment to respond. “Y-Yeah. I’m okay.” His voice cracks.

“You had a Hell Dream,” Elder McKinley tells him, as if Elder Poptarts didn’t already know that. 

“Yeah,” Elder Poptarts says quietly, burying his face into Elder McKinley’s shoulder. Elder Poptarts’ voice sounds strained and breathless.

“You can cry if you need to,” Elder McKinley tells him. 

Within seconds of Elder McKinley saying that, Elder Poptarts is sobbing. He clutches Elder McKinley to him as tightly as he can, his fingers grabbing at Elder McKinley’s shirt. Elder McKinley starts rubbing Poptarts’ back. They stay like that until Elder Poptarts manages to calm down a bit. 

“I’m sorry,” Elder Poptarts says, but it comes out as barely even a whisper. He clears his throat.

“Shh,” Elder McKinley says, still rubbing Elder Poptarts’ back. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault.”

“No, I just—” He pauses, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’m okay.” He sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself than anything else. 

“It’s okay to not be okay,” Elder McKinley tells him. 

“No, I just, I’ll—” Elder Poptarts cuts himself off with a sigh. “I can just turn it off.”

“You don’t have to be  _ constantly _ turning it off,” Elder McKinley says. 

“Aren’t you?” Elder Poptarts asks. 

“...I am,” Elder McKinley admits. “But it’s too much for anyone else to handle.”

“Isn’t it too much for  _ you _ to handle?”

“It’s late. You should go back to sleep,” Elder McKinley says. Elder Poptarts immediately shakes his head. “I’ll be right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

When Elder Poptarts wakes up in the morning, he puts on his brightest smile. He starts getting ready for the day and then goes to eat breakfast with the other elders. 

“Good morning, elders,” he greets when he enters the room, his smile huge on his face. He sits down and starts eating the pancakes that are on a plate at the center of the table. 

“You look tired, Elder Poptarts,” Elder Neeley comments. 

Elder Poptarts hesitates for a few seconds before he says, “It was way too hot to sleep. You know how it is.” He’s surprised at how easily the lie was able to come to him. Maybe Elder Cunningham is rubbing off on him. He makes sure he doesn’t make eye contact with Elder McKinley. 

Later, when it’s time for Elder Poptarts and Elder McKinley to walk around Kitguli looking for people to convert to the church, Elder McKinley confronts Elder Poptarts.

“Are you sure you’re fine?” Elder McKinley asks him. 

“Yeah.” Elder Poptarts gives a bright smile. 

“It’s okay if you want to stay here. I can go by myself if you want.”

“Didn’t you say you get Hell Dreams all the time?” Elder Poptarts asks. He continues speaking before Elder McKinley even has a chance to reply. “You have it much worse than me, Elder McKinley. If you’re going, then of course I’m going with you.”

Elder McKinley sighs but nods. “All right, then.”

The two of them go outside into the Ugandan heat. By the time they walk far enough to find the people that they haven’t already bothered by asking to join their religion, they’re both sweating and out of breath. They stop by a house and knock. No one answers and they move on. This time, a man opens the door. 

“Hello,” Elder McKinley says to him. “I’m Elder McKinley and this is Elder Thomas. We were wondering if you would be interested in listening about The Book of Arnold—”

Elder Poptarts zones out after that. He lets Elder McKinley do most of the talking. In what feels like only seconds later, Elder McKinley turns to Elder Poptarts and gives him a small smile. 

“Sorry,” Elder Poptarts says as they start walking back. “I didn’t mean to make you have to do everything. I got distracted.”

“It’s fine, Elder. I understand a hundred percent.”

This time, when Elder Poptarts smiles, it’s genuine.

It takes much longer for Elder Poptarts and Elder McKinley to get back to the elders’ living quarters than it did for them to leave from it. They’re both tired and hot so they walk slowly, trying to make conversation so they don’t have to be stuck with the awkward silence that was present on the way through Kitguli. When they finally get back, they are greeted to all the other elders. 

“How did everyone do?” Elder McKinley asks.

“Elder Schrader and I got to talk to eight different people who are all willing to convert!” Elder Neeley announces and Elder Schrader nods proudly. 

“Excellent!” Elder McKinley says, sounding quite pleased. “That’s amazing!”

“Elder Zelder and I managed to talk to five people who want to convert,” Elder Michaels adds, and then all the other elders are also shouting out how many people they were able to talk to. 

“That’s fantastic. Keep it up, elders!”

When Elder McKinley walks into his bedroom later that night, he sees Elder Poptarts laying on his bed. Elder Poptarts turns to face him when he hears Elder McKinley enter the room.

“Sorry,” Elder Poptarts says, already starting to get up to move to his own bed. “I don’t know why I—”

“It’s okay,” Elder McKinley tells him. He lays down next to Elder Poptarts, despite the bed being barely big enough for even just one person. Elder McKinley wraps his arms around Elder Poptarts and pulls him into a hug. “ _ You’re _ okay.”

Elder Poptarts nods. “I’m okay.” He tries to smile at Elder McKinley but he’s too tired right now to put any effort into it. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Elder McKinley says. “I didn’t do anything.”

Elder Poptarts shakes his head. “That’s more than enough.” 

Elder McKinley smiles at him and Elder Poptarts finds himself thinking that as long as he has Elder McKinley by his side, then everything might just end up being okay.

Elder Poptarts and Elder McKinley stay in each other’s arms and talk until Elder Poptarts falls asleep. When he wakes up, he feels more peaceful and relaxed than he’s been in a ridiculously long time. He’s still wrapped in Elder McKinley’s arms and he’s comfortable enough that he doesn’t want to move at all until Elder McKinley wakes up. He stays where he is, making sure make any large movements so he doesn’t disturb his mission companion. 

When Elder McKinley finally does wake up, Elder Poptarts realizes that he probably should’ve gotten up while Elder McKinley was still asleep. He quickly pretends to be asleep. He feels Elder McKinley’s arms tightening around him for a few seconds before they completely disappear away from him. Elder Poptarts immediately misses their warmth. The bed creaks and Elder Poptarts assumes that Elder mcKinley is standing up. He thinks that Elder McKinley is going to wake him up but instead, his mission companion just leaves the room. Elder Poptarts just lays there for a few extra minutes before he finally gets up and begins getting ready for the day. 

At breakfast, the elders all discuss what they’re doing for the day. Elder Neeley and Elder Schrader are going to help Sister Kimbay and Elder Gotswana with some errands, Elder Price and Elder Cunningham are going on a search for some much needed resources for the living quarters, and Elder Poptarts is going to meet up with Nabulungi. 

Throughout the whole day, Elder Poptarts finds that he keeps zoning out. He can’t stop himself from repeatedly thinking about how comforting it felt to have Elder McKinley’s arms wrapped tightly around him, how carefree he felt to talk to the other man about just about anything, how it felt to—   

“Are you okay today?” Nabulungi asks him. Apparently she’s noticed his zoning out as well. 

He blinks. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know,” Nabulungi tells him. “I’m not the one acting strange.”

“I’m not! How am I acting strange?”

“You seem out of it today, like you’re lost in thought.”

“Oh,” Elder Poptarts says. He can feel his face flushing as he realizes that basically all he’s been able to think about today is his mission companion. 

“Well?” 

“Well, what?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong!” He pauses and sighs when Nabulungi gives him a skeptical look. “I just had a Hell Dream the other day.” It’s not like he’s not telling the truth…

“Oh, I’ve heard some of the elders talk about those,” Nabulungi tells Elder Poptarts. “I’ve heard that they’re really terrible. Are you sure you’re okay? I’ve never had one, but they obviously can’t be pleasant to have.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Elder Poptarts nods. “I was a little shaken up over it at the time but I’m good now.”

“If you’re sure,” she says. “You can always talk to me about anything, you know. I’m always here for you, Elder Poptarts.”

Elder Poptarts smiles at that.


End file.
